Dinner with Jeffrey Dahmer

Third date – dinner at his place,

Great expectation, high anticipation . . .

Dinner with Jeffrey Dahmer

Met a fiftysomething male at a London event

Not very fit, but will do . . .

Had 2 dates, comme ci comme ça,

Let’s persevere . . .

Third date – dinner at his place,

Great expectation, high anticipation.

Roast lamb, followed by sex, not hot, just sex

That’ll do


House quiet,

Lodger was nowhere to be seen – no worries,

Kitchen very dirty,

Glasses very dirty,

Cutlery, very crooked

Pans, very black, and very large

Offered a glass of some fizzy thing, no champagne – not good

Juices start to dry up

Mousetraps on kitchen floor

Are those mousetraps or toestraps, I wonder . . .

Getting cold in here

Lamb dinner looked dead

Meat looked eerily suspicious

Jeffrey Dahmeresque vibe rising

‘Oh dear’, I exclaimed

‘I must have left something in my car’

Grabbed my coat,

My bag and keys . . .

‘Rather nippy outside, be back in a mo’, I shouted back,

Dashed for the door

Sex no more

See you never Jeffrey!


Featured image is from The Spider and the Fly by  Mary Howitt and illustration by  Tony DiTerlizzi